Part 5

A NEW DAY HAS DAWNED

Present Day

The sun slowly marches up the horizon to the silent beat of the war drum as the birds signal his approach, announcing it to the world.  A new day has dawned.

Derek and Sky awaken as gently as they had slept.  They embark on the short walk back to their apartment, with time to spare before the work day begins.  Entering their apartment, Sky’s first stop, restroom.  Derek’s first stop, dream journal.

They both keep a dream journal, although it seems Derek writes his down more often.

It was a rather short dream this time:

two tattoos…
left forearm – ‘Respect’
right forearm – ‘Patience’

Derek went to the kitchen to make breakfast.

Last night, Sky had had a strange dream as well, so she found her journal and, over the smell of eggs and toast, she wrote down what she could remember.  Quite a bit longer than Derek’s, her journal entry reads as follows:

in a garden, beautiful music playing that I’ve never heard before.

children playing, think they were mine

with Jonathan (from work), like we were married

it was all really happy, I was happy, he was happy, the children were happy

then got this really strange/bad feeling, like a memory of Derek, then I started screaming “no, no, no, no… how did this happen?..  how could this happen?”

then noticed the cat from dream a few weeks ago, this time it started talking to me -

cat: How does anything happen?
me: Well…  Every effect has a cause, right?
cat: Yes, of course.
me: Well then, what the hell is the cause of all this?!
cat: Hey hey hey, calm down…  Let’s think this through…  here we have these causes which affect everything basically…  these laws that govern things.  For instance, I throw a ball and it flies through space in time.  Every part of that ball’s flight is following laws, or better said, certain causes having certain effects; its flight fulfilled in time although its trajectory was set in stone from the beginning…  And there was a cause for my hand movement, a cause for the thoughts in my brain, a cause for your questioning, and… o yes…  a cause for this…  you and Jonatha – Derek!  I mean Derek!… hmm…
me: You see my predicament then…  What does this mean?
cat: I don’t know… but there is a reason for everything!
me: Everything?
cat: Yes… everything.  Can you think back to something that ever could have happened without a reason?
me: mm… going back…  and back… cause after cause…  it would go back to How anything would exist at all!…  I mean, going back, it would come to the creation of solar systems, galaxies, all the way to the creation of the universe…  How then, did something just burst into existence?…  One instant, nothing, no time, eternity, … … then … at no time in particular since this is before that, an explosion – stars, worlds, galaxies, all this, even us today are just living out this set of trajectories, just like the ball…
cat: Now I think we’re getting somewhere, but I’m not sure How is the question we’re looking for.  Have you heard the expression, “Where there’s a Will there’s a way”?  The How seems to be just a product of the Why. So why does anything exist at all?…  Either there is a Why for everything, since its trajectory is written from the beginning, or there is no reason at all, and then everything is just chaos playing out in probabilities…
me: But that doesn’t make sense to me…  Can anything happen without a reason?  I mean, how is it that something would just poof from nothingness, without a Why?  If there was no Why then wouldn’t nothingness have continued in eternity?…  Nothing would exist…  But that’s not the case… we do exist… or I do at least… therefore I say there absolutely must be a reason!
cat: If you say so… but you’re presuming two things – that there was a beginning, and that there was ever nothingness…  Even the empty space that seems like nothingness is full of the light that radiates through it endlessly…
me: But the light could go into a black hole…
cat: But it’s still somewhere…
me: But where?  What is that black hole if even light cannot escape?  Maybe that’s the nothingness I’m talking about… … Ah! Whatever, I can’t think anymore!  How is it that my personal issues always get turned into philosophical discussions?!  What does all that thinking do to help my situation?!

closed my eyes while screaming and when I opened them, the cat wasn’t there anymore, heard a voice and turned.  saw it was a man, conversation went like this, more or less:

man: What is it that you want, Sky?
me: Who are you?..
man: Name is Jax, good to meet you, but you didn’t answer the question.
me: Jax… okay… where did you come from?  What are you doing here?  What did you do with the cat I was talking to?
Jax: (laughing) Wow, that’s a lot of questions all at once…  but I will humor you and try to answer them… if you promise to answer my one question afterward…
me: Sure I’ll answer it.
Jax: Okay, so…  Where did I come from? Well, I am a god, brought into existence by De to watch over life on Earth.  What am I doing here? I could ask you the same thing, and you probably couldn’t tell me, because you probably don’t know where you are… you are dreaming.
(I noticed then that I was dreaming and was afraid I would wake up)
Don’t worry, I’m holding your concentration here, you should be fine for a little while…
And last but not least, What did I do with the cat you were talking to? Nothing.  The cat was part of your own mind, it left when you lost concentration.
(I couldn’t think of anything to say, seemed like he could read my thoughts, or lack thereof, and he added)
Well, you could start with answering my question: What is it that you want?
me: (thought for a second) I want love… and… I want freedom.
Jax: I see…  And have you found that with Derek?
me: Well, I thought I did… for a while…  But then, it just began to fade, like a lamp running out of oil.
Jax: I see…  What is it that is keeping you from seeking that which you are not finding with him?
me: I made a promise…
Jax: A meaningless promise…  It was not of our doing.  We do not hold you to it.
me: Your doing?  I hold it to myself.  It doesn’t sound to me like you’re very interested in my freedom.
Jax: Some day you will have to come to terms with that which you cannot control…  You could have happiness, but you forfeit it for the pursuit of some idea.  Derek chose you, you didn’t choose him.  You call that freedom?  That is slavery.  I see he has twisted your mind so far that you can no longer discern your own will from his.  These man-gods (what?..), they are the scum of the earth.  They do not care for the happiness of man, they only sow confusion, imprisoning him further, and disrupting our ability to create a world where everyone can be happy…  You have become yet another victim of such a dark path… but we are working tirelessly to help you.  When you are ready, we will help you in the transition…
(a moment passed here in silence and it felt like his words made sense to me.  Jax started to walk off, but after a couple steps he turns back and adds)
I will tell you a secret, young girl…  There is no such thing as absolute freedom.  We are always subject to laws we neither see nor understand, it’s then a matter of knowing which powers can bring us and others true happiness, and then finding contentment in submission to them..

he looked in my eyes, turned around and started to walk off, and that’s when I woke up

“Sky!  Your breakfast is getting cold!” Derek calls from the kitchen.

Sky wonders if he had tried calling before.  She had gotten so wrapped up in writing down her dreams that the outside world had vanished for a time.  Oh well, she was done now, she put down her pen and headed into the kitchen for breakfast.

*       *       *

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